This blog is my excuse to carry my camera around with me and take pictures like a tourist in my home town.
This is also my way of staying positive and remembering the good things when I'm feeling buried under the mountain of straw.
And finally, this is also where I may go from time to time to vent.
Every one has those years. You know the ones that you don't know how you'll survive and then some how you realize you're on the other side of them looking back and realized you did survive albeit a few new scars. I was in some of those moments. I was forgetting why I started blogging, why I took pictures, why I did a lot of things.
I feel confident enough to say I'm at least outside those bad years (or even scattered bad months). I want to get back to doing the things that fulfill me. Get back to recording all those beautiful moments with my children and my family that I hope I never forget.
I kept telling myself I have to start at the beginning so it all makes sense, but I'm realizing with that mentality I may never get anything done and it's just going to continue to be an endless list of 'draft' posts I'll never finish. With that being said. things are going to be out of order, but I'm going to get back to working on it all the same.
I look forward to the state fair every year. It is my favorite summer activity and the only time I'm willing to brave the heat without complaint. In previous years I've gone multiple times so that the kids could enjoy it without hating me for dragging them through all the boring stuff too. The first
week it was open I took my two youngest as the older children were at their mothers and unable to come with me. My oldest-middle child, Bear, texted me all the while asking me to share pictures and helping pick things with us that he would enjoy to see when we came back. That day, my daughter (the one who hates the fair the most) begged me to stay late because she was enjoying herself so much and wanted to watch a horse show. We went home at 8:30pm, and hour past her bedtime, happy and with a list of fun things to share with her brothers the next week.
The week leading up to our second visit was hard. The transition was no smooth and adult issues were plaguing my normal happy self so much that I wanted to cancel the trip more than anything. Normally, no one likes it that much anyway. Before I could announce that plans changed Bear asked if we were still going and shared his excitement to watch the BMX bikes like the video I had sent him the previous week.
As adults do, I sucked it up in the best interest of the kids, packed the lunches and gear, and loaded the car with happy kids. The first few hours of the day felt like this all might have been a mistake as clearly my oldest was annoyed and no one was having any real fun.
We were at the state fair, one of my favorite places, but I was struggling. Plans were not working like I had expected, shows we wanted to watch were cut short making them less than what I had promised to eager eyes, preschooler cousins were not getting along...
We watched a drum line that the oldest seemed to like and the youngest cousins loved to dance to, but then the show got weird and too loud and the enjoyment just seconds before got forgotten.
We found play areas for the preschoolers to get their energy out, but that left the oldest teens bored and annoyed and the shaky internet service in the buildings.
We made it to the BMX show where adults repeatedly stood in front of us and my mother reached her point of can't handle the fair anymore and left.
We had a show planned that was done by the sheriff K9 unit that sounded exciting, but what we didn't know is before the dogs came out, there was 45 minutes of a guy explaining how an injured horse would be pulled off a trail, interesting information, but not to kids expecting dogs. When the K9's finally came out we were all happy we waited but the little people had gotten on every last nerve of the teenagers.
We dragged on until around 4 when my husband volunteered to pick up anyone who wanted to leave. My daughter and oldest son eagerly volunteered, but not Bear. He wanted to spend the whole day with me no matter what! I feel like that moment helped bring back life to my soul. Even with the failed shows, and fighting kids, and typical California heat he was not deterred from making the most of this day and was excited to spend it with me.
Some short time later as we were planning on what funnel cake to eat my husband arrived to take away those not happy with the heat. The oldest almost couldn't leave fast enough he was so done with the little people. My daughter had a change of heart and promised she would not fight or complain the rest of the night no matter what. My youngest made a similar promise just so he could stay with me and not have to go home without me. With everyone's decisions made I sent the oldest solo with his cell phone, to meet his Dad outside the fair so they could go home and get some one on one time together.
Turns out after funnel cake there was a penguin high diving show that everyone wanted to watch near by so we stayed for that. Our cousins couldn't make it past that show due to their own teen angst so we bid them a good evening and headed to the Chinese acrobats we loved so much last week, stopping for BBQ corn on the way. When I told my little ones we were getting corn no one was happy but after it cooled off my Bear had the same look of happy shock he wore most the day as he told me it was the best corn he's ever had in his life.
As we headed on he begged me to take him shopping for something even though he had no idea what so I explained to him, just as I do with my daughter, that we do not go shopping just for the sake of spending money. Normally this line of conversation would have made him made, but instead we were able to discuss how we were able to do two full fair outings with close parking and not our normal long walk in, not on kids free day so there were less holy terrors around, and enjoy 2 funnel cakes, 1 BBQ corn, and 1 large fresh lemonade all for about $70 for our family of 6 (even though the 6th person never came) thus leaving that money in our pockets for popcorn at the movies, the swim passes we got this year, and the bowling trips we've done. For one of the first times ever I felt this conversation with him meant something. Money, is one of those places, that he and I see differently and normally makes him mad. We pet the sturgeons, checked out the animals and the farm, then walked around some more before heading back to watch the penguins a second time for the promised flaming high dive. It sounded truly terrifying but Bear was so excited to see it and as before the show did not disappoint.
There was another show later in the evening (8:45pm) that appeared to be fire dancers but had no description and could have been terrible. Again, as a group, with Bear voicing the loudest, we decided to stay and even if the show was bad it'd still be fun hanging out together. Turns out Obsidian Butterfly was actually pretty awesome. It was 3 fire dancers who used various things from fans, to poi balls, to sticks to light on fire and dance with. We had front row seats. With every spectacular stunt Bear would look back at me in amazement almost as if he was making sure his own eyes hadn't lied to him. He did this multiple times with every show, but I realized it was him sharing this moment with me, even if we were not side by side.
After the dancing was finished we finally headed outside the gates to leave, where we instead hung out with the California letters taking pictures before finally getting to our car. It was hours past bed time but no one was grumpy. It was, without a doubt, the best fair experience I've had in the decade I've been going with my family.
note: there were 2 teenagers in our party and 3 adults. I don't make it a habit to photograph adults on these trips unless it's a group shot as usually they are just tending to little people, eating, or for those brief seconds relaxing.... as for the teenagers, thankfully there were 2 so they hung out in the back of our group on their phone and yoyo (each kids favorite item) making whatever they could of their time together. All the group shots I invited everyone into... just the 3 youngest volunteered.
A few months ago my son (just turned two years old) had a spot on his back like a red mole. In just a months time the size increased drastically. Moles don't change. It took some time to get him into a dermatologist but when we finally did see one they decided with his age and the speed of growth it needed to be shaved off and tested.
Now I won't go into all of the details, but lets just say I will never go back to this doctor. My favorite moment was how they pulled the needle out with the numbing medication before instantly cutting his back- never letting the medication take effect. Maybe that's standard practice there, but that's not how I'd want to be treated so my job as mom is to protect my son.
When the results came in the office told me they were abnormal and they'd see me in a few months, nothing else. It took two days for our Primary Care Physician to get the results where he was able to inform me that my son has a Spitz Nevus.
It's bad, but it's not. A spitz nevus is a juvenile melanoma. My son will need surgery where they put him under so every last piece of it can be removed, usually with a laser. Most doctors are not concerned as long as it is under 1cm in size. My son's was 8mm in just 6 weeks. Thankfully the new dermatologist we have has cleared a place in his schedule for us in just 2 weeks even though he's booked through December.
What I know is that he will have surgery. As a family, we will have to be more diligent with his protection from the sun; hats, sunblock, and being as covered as possible. It's hard being such outdoor people, but he loves hats and most of us burn so easy that sunblock isn't a new habit.
Am I scared? Absolutely, but mostly of his surgery. Anytime you are put under anesthesia alarms me. I've avoided it for 31 years yet here my little boy will have it before he even starts school.
Am I grateful? More than I can express.
I was blessed with an opportunity to go to a cystic fibrosis fundraiser just days before getting these results. If you have no idea what it is a quick google search can open your heart. If you want to be really touched, read the story about 65 roses and the optimism they have.
I have it easy as does my son. He'll need to wear hats and use sunscreen. Breathing should never be a struggle for him, at least not from this. I'm so grateful for this realization.
So, hug your babies no matter how old they are and count your blessings. “The greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.” ― Martha Washington
It's the little things that make me smile.
Little things like walking downstairs to discover Moose's Woody doll, that I know I left on the ground, put neatly into a car seat by a sibling.
I don't even know which sibling did it and I don't care.
Right now, I'm just going to smile about how awesome my children are.
"I didn't. I just need to squish it a little."
~Bug
To Mama:
"It's time to be quiet. I'm serious."
~Bug
"Where are we going."
Home
"Good. I need more sleep."
~Bug
"How do you play paper cut scissors?"
~Bug
"What is that?"
A wind sock
"Does it tickle you?"
~Bug
After putting jewelry on me:
"What is on it?"
Dimonds
Looks closely at the stones
"Nope. They're circles!!!"
~Bug
grabbing mamaw's breasts
"These are your buttons. They don't have stuff in them. Mommy drank it all."
~Bug
"Will you buy this for me?" Do you have money for it? "I don't have enough money." ~Bug While waiting in line for a ride. "Did you hear what they said? There's no eating or drinking or stuff." ~Bug
I need my Pool Suit! ~Bug Sitting behind her little brother: "I'll catch him if he goes backwards because I'm squishy." ~Bug "I don't like the game where you eat your boogers." ~Gator to Bug "Can I give him his dirty bear? The one he gets on his face?" ~Bug talking about a fuzzy bear that 'sheds' when played with
Naturally, Disney would have something to do when you're not in one of the two parks. And naturally, downtown Disney is right in the middle of the parks.
To get in you have to pass through the same security gate outside the park. I honestly have no idea what it actually accomplishes but I suppose a false sense of security is better than no security at all.
In the front of downtown Disney is the biggest Disney store I've ever seen in my life. I'd swear it's a block long. At least the size of 4 or 5 stores combined. I feel silly for not realizing that Disney had that many products to sell to the public. Even fancy purses.
Downtown Disney is a shopping center for just about anything your heart desires. The street venders had the feeling of Disney to them. There was a calligrapher that did letters out of princesses and had I been able to figure out where and why I'd hang it, I probably would have purchased it for Bug (who hadn't noticed it).Personally, I'm not a big fan of shopping but I had a good time looking at the plethora of Disney items. My kids sure enjoyed it too and both of them walked away with new toys: Hello Jessie and Woody dolls!
Finding food was more interesting given the numerous choices to be had. The price tag was more than I'm typically comfortable with but I suppose it was similar if not slightly better than inside the parks. We settled on a New Orleans themed fast food joint. The food was satisfying enough but at the sit-down restaurant end of it we purchased dessert and that was divine. I had chocolate brioche bread pudding.
The only complication of our day was when Bug had to use the restroom during dinner. The sign clearly stated no restroom for customers and the closest one I knew of wasn't very close. The manager of the restaurant had been taking out the trash when he passed us and overheard our conversation. I was thrilled when he offered to let Bug use the employee bathroom.
I think it's fair to say this has been my first experience somewhere that all the employees genuinely seem happy to be working. It makes a difference for me to be willing to spend my money.
It's been a month. A long month. A month I never thought I'd make it through.
I had friends who had babies with issues. Issues that kept them in NicU or required their new babies to stay in harness for months. Babies you want to snuggle and take home but can't. I often wondered how they were strong enough to handle 'sick' babies, then in my own quiet breath whispered thanks for my babies being born healthy and problem free.
My baby cries and his chest "crinkles". It's the most disturbing feeling, but he's happy. He laughs. He smiles. He's going to be okay. 6-8 weeks and he'll be 'normal' again. It feels forever away, but we're almost there. He is such a brave baby. It hurts my heart that those who want to hold him, like his siblings and cousins, can't because his ribs move and those who can hold him don't want to because it's disturbing to hold 'broken' babies. I know broken babies are unnerving, I was afraid of my close friends babies when they were sick. I didn't want to make them worse.
Now, that broken baby is my own. I will hold him. I will love him. I will protect him to the best of my ability. Some things are just out of our control. I'm so thankful Cliff was right: babies bounce.
*Disclaimer: Don't actually try to bounce your babies or expect them to be okay no matter what.... this is a figure of speech. *
"I love my baby brother! He's so nice."
I'm glad you love him and think he's nice when you haven't even met him yet.
"Yes, I have! *points to my belly* He's right there!"
~Bug
"I just want to sit here and pout."
~Bug
"Happy Balentines Day!"
~Bug
"Stop making that noise"
~Bug
While shopping in Costco and wearing a princess crown another customer complimented Bug:
What a beautiful princess!
"I'm not real"
~Bug
Mommy has to use the potty real quick
"You can go in the bushes"
~Bug
"I drew your picture with your fat belly!"
~Bug
"I just got dumber talking to you"
~Cliff
"Not all tubes are hollow!"
~Gator
After trying to squeeze into a shirt she outgrew and explaining why it no longer fit
"I don't want to grow up!"
~Bug
In the morning after hearing someone mowing their lawn outside
"I hear a more-on!" (sounds like moron)
~Bug
"I have my feelings breaked! You breaked my feelings!"
~Bug
Today was the last technical family Christmas party. There were many moments that I greatly enjoyed but sharing this morning with Bug was probably one of my favorites.
Between my natural Grinchiness and pregnancy hormones my morning didn't start off too bright. Lovely Bug didn't loose her charm and helped me out of my funk.
Then, while opening presents from Santa (whom she thought didn't come because she hadn't looked under the tree) she actually got excited to see a box in the wrapping paper. Getting past the paper, and then the box, she discovered that she got exactly what she asked for.
One that same note, at both family parties where she received gifts I never told her to hug anyone or say thank you, she just did it herself. I would ask her who the gift was from and once she knew who gave it to her she immediately walked over to them and said thank you and gave hugs.
Some days it's nice to feel like I'm doing okay as a parent.
Tonight was the one of our many Christmas parties with the family. Since the rain finally paused for us we chose to end the night looking at the houses on 'Christmas Street'. Bear ran up ahead with cousins (and Auntie Lissa) to see more houses than a pregnant lady and 3 year old could get to, but I got proof these two siblings had fun.
No boys today so I chose to head up to Pops house. He took me out to the base (where I failed to find what I came for but did find my favorite playing cards). The real treat of the day was spending so much time with him and Granny. No name baby likes to hide when people try to feel him but sometimes they get lucky and he dances.
Today was the annual gingerbread house party at Pops and Granny's. The kids all had so much fun eating and decorating with the candy. As always it was a great turnout and highly enjoyable for everyone.
I was sad we had to cut out early (accidentally double booked ourselves) but before we left the party my cousin styled my hair for me (and showed me a new trick!) so I felt beautiful for the evening.
I know my kids had a great time afterwards with Auntie Lissa and Cliff and I got to have some adult time at his company holiday dinner. Even in all my grinchiness, there are good things about the holidays!
Today we celebrated Grandmas Belated Birthday with lunch at The Cheesecake Factory! It's so wonderful getting to see her and getting photographic proof is even better! Two of my favorite people in one happy memory.
I'm a sucker for vista points and even though this one isn't the best (and not new to us) I couldn't resist asking Cliff to pull over for some sunset pictures. It's hard to see Shasta in the background, but I'm really glad I made him take a 'facebook' picture of us. The kids all had a blast running around, too!
We had an amazing evening planned for us tonight: pizza and drinks for the adults, pizza and movies at home for the kids. We walked into town (lucky day in Washington with no rain) for the pizza and drinks. It was an adult get away while on vacation that felt awesome, even if I couldn't have 'real' drinks.
Every one has those years. You know the ones that you don't know how you'll survive and then some how you realize you're on the other side of them looking back and realized you did survive albeit a few new scars. I was in some of those moments. I was forgetting why I started blogging, why I took pictures, why I did a lot of things.
